


insecurities

by maxatsuomi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Food Issues, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28451892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxatsuomi/pseuds/maxatsuomi
Summary: “Rin..” Atsumu mumbled quietly as he stood up. He walked over to Rintarou and wrapped his arms around Rintarou’s shoulders. “You’re not alone, we’re here for you..always” Rintarou’s eyes filled with tears and he hugged Atsumu back. Tears ran slipped down on his cheeks as he sobbed in Atsumu’s chest. Atsumu sat down next to him, and ran his fingers up and down on Rintarou’s back.“It’s okay.. Thank you for telling us, I’m proud of ya” Rintarou nodded and buried his face further in Atsumu’s shoulder. Osamu and Ginjima stood up and sat down next to them and hugged them both. Osamu put his cheek on Rintarou’s back and Hitoshi ran his fingers through Rintarou’s hair. “We’re glad you’re here, we’re so glad.”
Relationships: Ginjima Hitoshi & Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu & Suna Rintarou, Miya Atsumu & Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32
Collections: SunaOsa





	insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! please read this!! ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ  
> there will be an anxiety attack in the next chapter, i'll add the tags etc.  
> i'll write the next chapter in few days and i'll add it probably next week!! i'm sorry!  
> i also wanted to say thank you to [regan](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd) \- for letting me add their hc about the miya twins having ADHD. also a big thank you to [eli](https://twitter.com/Confused_Gull), for helping me a lot with this fic and for her kind words, and a big, big thank you to [mar](https://twitter.com/softomigiri) for her support!

_Insecurities._

A thing all of us have. At least one insecurity, everyone has that. And even though some of us wouldn’t accept it, we all have at least one. It can be your weight, your height, your tummy, your scars, the way you eat, what you eat, your acne, your hair, anything. 

And Rintarou always knew he had eating problems. He wouldn’t say it was an eating disorder, but he knew he had problems with eating. Sometimes it was hard to eat and he wouldn’t eat for days, he wouldn’t drink nor sleep, and if he would eat, he would throw up, he would stick his fingers down his throat and throw up. It was gross, it really was, because it wasn’t normal, he knew he had some problems, that he was mentally unstable. But he was too scared to talk to someone, too scared people wouldn’t accept him then, people would make fun of him, people would laugh at him or avoid him, he didn’t have enough strength for that. 

He needed his friends. He really did and even though he never really said he loved them, he really did and they all meant a lot to him:

Atsumu. One of his best friends, he was his only best friend. He was the one that came over to him and talked with him. He didn’t ask weird questions-- okay, he did, but Rintarou wasn’t uncomfortable. 

Ginjima. He was a sweet and kind boy. He talked a lot about his girlfriend, how much he loved her, how much they hung out, and Rintarou felt jealous. Sure, no one knew he was gay, because he was too scared they would leave him, they would say he’s gross, he wasn’t strong enough for that.

Osamu. Atsumu’s twin, his crush. He was a quiet person, he didn’t talk a lot, but if you thought he was less of a bastard than Atsumu, you were so, so wrong. He just didn’t show it, but he was an asshole, just like Atsumu was.

They were like that. The four of them, they all were second years, all of them understood each other in some way. All of them knew Atsumu was bisexual, Osamu was pansexual and Ginjima was just straight, but when they asked Rintarou what his sexuality was, he always avoided the question. 

Atsumu was maybe an asshole, but he could keep his word, he could keep a secret and he would never judge anyone, oh and also he was a dog person and he was also Rintarou’s best friend. 

  
  


“Hey Suna, didja lose weight?” Osamu asked as they were eating lunch. Rintarou stiffened and shook his head quietly. Osamu raised an eyebrow, but didn’t talk about it. Atsumu and Hitoshi also noticed Rintarou lost weight, but they didn’t want to ask about it.

Lunch break was for Rintarou long, extremely long. They sat in an uncomfortable silence, it only felt like that to him, but it just felt weird. 

“Hey guys, does anyone here have a mental illness?” Atsumu asked innocently, Hitoshi choked on his food, Rintarou froze and Osamu hit the back of Atsumu’s head.

“Don’t just ask on that, ‘Tsumu!” Atsumu looked confusedly at his twin, but just continued to eat his food.

“I mean I have separation anxiety and ADHD, there’s no need to be embarrassed about being mentally ill” Atsumu said with a soft smile, Ginjima shook his head. “I don’t have any, I mean i get anxious sometimes, but not like I have some extreme anxiety”

Osamu just shook his head and said. “I have ADHD, just like ‘Tsumu, but nothing else.” They all turned to look at Rintarou. “I um.. Have anxiety, depression and insomnia..”

“Rin..” Atsumu mumbled quietly as he stood up. He walked over to Rintarou and wrapped his arms around Rintarou’s shoulders. “You’re not alone, we’re here for you..always” Rintarou’s eyes filled with tears and he hugged Atsumu back. Tears ran slipped down on his cheeks as he sobbed in Atsumu’s chest. Atsumu sat down next to him, and ran his fingers up and down on Rintarou’s back. 

“It’s okay.. Thank you for telling us, I’m proud of ya” Rintarou nodded and buried his face further in Atsumu’s shoulder. Osamu and Ginjima stood up and sat down next to them and hugged them both. Osamu put his cheek on Rintarou’s back and Hitoshi ran his fingers through Rintarou’s hair. “We’re glad you’re here, we’re so glad.”

* * *

_Sleep_.

All of us need to sleep. Of course you don’t need to sleep sometimes, you can stay up for four days at coffee, or at energy drinks. But it’s not healthy when you don’t sleep for a long time, and rintarou knew it, and he was so, so fucking tired. He was currently sitting in his bed, it was 2 am, and tears were running down on his cheeks.

He wanted to call someone, anyone. Just to chat with them, talk with someone without feeling like he was annoying them. Atsumu, he could call Atsumu, Atsumu always annoyed everyone and was glad when someone called him.

But Rintarou couldn’t bring himself to do so. It was all too much anxiety, everything.

He wanted to be okay again, to smile like he used to when he was a child, how he used to smile every time he fell and his knees bled, it hurt, that he will never be the same. 

* * *

_Anxiety._

Everyone feels anxious sometimes. Some of us more and some us don’t even realize we’re feeling anxious. But Rintarou felt anxious every time when he left the house, every time when there were people around him. His hands started shaking and when he was sitting, his legs started bouncing. When Ginjima noticed he would put his hand on Rintarou’s knee and rub circles on his knee and Rintarou would slowly calm down. 

Atsumu would pull him in his lap and rub his back gently, he would draw some small things on Rintarou’s back and Rin would slowly calm down. 

Osamu would take his hand and rub his thumb over Rintarou’s knuckles and squeeze his hand tightly. 

But..

They weren’t always here. When his anxiety would kick in at night, he would call or text Atsumu, because he knew Atsumu was a light sleeper. 

His texting would be a little bit messed up, because of how much he was crying and how much his hands would be shaking. But Atsumu wouldn’t care, he would talk about some silly things and would ask some weird questions that would make Rintarou smile.

And when he could, he would sometimes even come over and cuddle with Rintarou. He would leave a note for Osamu, so when Osamu woke up, he wouldn’t worry about where his twin went.

* * *

_Crying_

Everyone needs to cry sometimes. Even if they are happy tears, we all need to cry, and it’s alright. It’s alright to cry. Sometimes you cry because you feel happy, sometimes you cry because you’re just sad or something bad happened, sometimes you cry… and you don’t even really know why, sometimes you cry because you’re just tired, but that all is okay.

Some of us cry quietly, just sniffling and tears running down on our cheeks and some us.. just cry, snot coming from our noses, tears spilling, we sob, our shoulders shaking.

Rintarou didn’t cry often. He felt weak when he cried. But when he did, he never really cried loudly. He could cry in the back of the bus and no one would notice, his bangs would fall in his face and tears would just run down on his cheeks. And sometimes… he wouldn’t even notice he was crying.

“S-S-Suna?! What’s wrong?!” Ginjima said as he stood up and walked over to his friend when he heard a soft sniffle. “Huh? What do ya mean Gin?” Rintarou asked, confused.

“Rin..” Atsumu’s voice.

“You’re cryin’ bubba..” Osamu said, his voice soft. Osamu and Rintarou started dating few weeks ago. Rintarou’s eyes widened and he brought his fingers to his cheek. A soft “Oh..” escaped his mouth, before he wiped his tears away quickly. Osamu smiled sadly at his boyfriend and pulled him close in a hug.

“Everything okay, bubs?” Rintarou choked back tears and nodded in Osamu’s shoulder. Atsumu and Gin didn’t say anything, but Atsumu stood up and joined the hug. He tugged himself under Rin’s arm and squished himself between both of them. Osamu groaned slightly, but hugged both of the tighter.

* * *

_Numbness_

The feeling he hated the most. Numbness. It was a feeling--or maybe it was nothing, because he didn’t feel anything at all. He felt like he was drowning, his chest physically hurt and every time he took a breath, it hurt.

_~~Depression~~ _

It was something almost the same as numbness, but this was a mental illness. Rintarou was diagnosed with depression when he was thirteen, he hated he was mentally ill like this. He also had really bad anxiety, which was much worse, because once he felt like he wanted to die, but there was the voice in his head stopping him with the: _what if you mess up? You’ll still have to live if you’ll mess up._

* * *

Happiness

_...not found._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you'll enjoy the second chapter, it'll have a good ending, i promise.  
> come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/maxatsuomi)


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